Pushing

Happy May!

I am finally back with a new poem. Well, it’s definitely not new, but it’s new to y’all. It’s actually a few poems that I started writing and never finished and eventually just decided to merge together. This time I recorded it as a spoken word piece and posted it on my Instagram, which I was super afraid to do. I wasn’t afraid of receiving criticism; I was just afraid of putting my stuff out there. However, I was glad that I did because I know that I can’t be afraid forever. I ended up receiving a lot of kind words and was told that I made someone want to explore the pen again and my cousin reached out to tell me that I did a good job and that I have the voice for spoken word. So, maybe I’ll start posting more poems in that format. We’ll see. For now, you can take a listen to it below.

 

Rent-Free in my Mind

I miss you every day
Just wanna be there by your side
Don't wanna f--- with no one else
I'd rather run away and hide
I've cried so many tears
And I know you've done the same, too
Because it's been a sh-tty year
And I know that it has changed you
Who can blame you
When you've lost so much more than others
Your brother
Your father
And more recently, your mother
I know you probably feel alone
But you should know
That's not the case
'Cause you live rent-free in my mind
With every salty tear I taste

‘Damned’

This here is another poem that I wrote. It’s not recent, but it’s also not super old. It was written nearly three years ago. Read it and weep.

I know that if I dwell
It'll only make me feel worse
Not a soul on Earth can tell
How just being myself feels cursed
Damned if I don't
Damned if I do
Nothing can prove
That I am good enough for you
So, back into this shell I'll go
Never again do I wanna let my guard down
Never envisioned myself the jaded type
But I can sense my heart becoming hard now
Still, I know I have so much love to give
It'd be stingy for me not to
But truthfully
I don't wanna give it to a man that's not you
Maybe that makes me stupid
Maybe I'll never learn
That even if I don't want to
Sometimes I gotta let it burn


			

‘Ghosted’

It’s been awhile since I’ve posted on my blog and lately I’ve been trying to get back into my writing. I was reading some of my old poems and posts and I even shared some with others and I realize that I really need to put my writing out there more and stop being so afraid. One of the main reasons I don’t post my writing more is because it’s usually personal and I always worry about people having questions for me after they read my writing and I don’t like to be that open with just anyone. However, I’m gonna put forth the effort to share my writing here on this blog.. whether I share it to my socials, that is still up in the air.

I wrote this poem a couple of months ago. I never titled it; I literally just picked a name for it as I began typing this blog post. I shall call it ‘Ghosted.’ Enjoy.

You walked out of my life

Just as randomly as you walked into it

Wish I could say I was surprised

But unfortunately, I’ve already been through it

I’ve been ghosted before

Ghosted by those that swore

Up and down

That they were never leaving

Promises they broke

Prior to breaking my heart

Led to this continuous bleeding

That it now feels

Now I’m once again grieving

The loss of something

That could’ve been so real

Although it was short-lived

Being in your presence was fun

I showed a side of me to you

That I don’t show to everyone

Vulnerable and free

My inhibitions didn’t exist

Now all I’m left with are memories

To remember the way

You’d grab onto my hips

As we locked lips upon lips